Almost daily, Bryan and I get asked “How is Layla?” or “How are things going?” and our typical response is “She’s good” or “Things are ok”. When really we should be saying “They suck”. It’s ok for things to be sucky and people should expect that. So why can’t we admit it? I know for me, if I come right out and say how things really are there will be a flood of tears and some days I just don’t have the energy for that. So, for the sake of complete transparency, here’s what’s sucky today:
- My company has denied the extension of my short term disability. We’re appealing, but not really sure how that will turn out. I cannot fathom returning to work at this time and the thought of it makes me sick.
- Layla cries every morning on the days I drop her off at school (2 days a week). It’s not that she doesn’t want to go to school (she loves it), but she doesn’t want me to leave. Breaks my heart, yet I know she needs normalcy and routine.
- Yesterday, Layla had an inter-cranial injection (that means in her brain). This particular medicine can cause inflammation in the lining of the brain, so she’s on steroids for 5 days….they can make her a little moody…because we need more of that right now [she says sarcastically]
- Our friends from high school had a baby yesterday that is experiencing some serious pulmonary issues. My heart breaks for them as they receive unexpected news and are forced to have their newborn rushed away to a specialized NICU at a different hospital. Just waves of emotions for them and their family. Please keep them in your prayers (The Parkers and baby Dallas)
How do you cope when so much seems to pile on? You want to ask “Geez God, can we catch a break??” Honestly, what choice do you have except to place all that junk at the foot of the cross and just admit you can’t handle it? What a miserable life to carry that around with you all the time, but I think most people see that as failure. Failure to deal with life, failure to get past adversity, but in truth, it’s the ONLY way. If you’re not willing to admit that you can’t, you aren’t allowing God to show you what He CAN.
“God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” Ephesians 3:20
I constantly remind myself of this. Beyond my wildest imagination, God is able to provide. What’s beyond my wildest imagination? For starters, that this cancer would be gone and never return again. Maybe even more wild and far fetched in my own mind, that I would be able to take this little blog and do something amazing with it. Write a book, share our story with others on a larger scale, be able to show millions of people what a little blind faith can do! To me that seems way more far fetched than curing cancer!
It’s hard not to focus on the “numbers” or what Layla’s prognosis is. It’s the first question your brain wants to ask, right? This morning God revealed a truth to me while I was having lunch with my dearest friend. She said “what does it matter?? God is the King over all numbers!” Satan wants you to focus on a crappy prognosis. Thoughts like that become a cancer of their own. They take root and they spread and they worm their way into everything. Joy stealers is what they are!
All of that is irrelevant when you’re working with The Great Physician. Whether it’s physical healing or emotional healing we seek, there’s nothing we can fix on our own. We can cover up or add a proverbial band-aid to a broken heart, a financial crisis or a failed marriage, but none of that will heal what’s hurting us deep inside. If you’re struggling, I pray that you can let go of your pride and ask Him for help. The answer you get may just be more than you ever imagined.